Miss Avalon
by Saranha de Angelo
Summary: CHAP 8 UP! The cast of Mists of Avalon perform the musical Miss Saigon...chaos? Definitely. Please read and review!
1. Casting and some other stuff

Title: Miss Avalon Rating: PG-13 for swearing and sexual references (hey, the play involves a whorehouse...how can it not be above PG?) Summary: Uh...yeah...it's kinda the cast of the Mists of Avalon and their attempt to perform the musical Miss Saigon...I'm just asking for chaos. I'm not sure if it's the book or the movie yet...probably leaning more towards the book version of Mists of Avalon, but all of the main characters are in both, so who cares?!?  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own it...I don't own "Mists of Avalon" or "Miss Saigon". I'm just an obsessive teenage girl with a twisted imagination. Don't sue me! Please! I'm really a nice person! However, I do own the director and the crew and stuff...  
  
Also, I know that "Miss Saigon" and "Mists of Avalon" are not comedies...trust me, I really love the play, and I also love the movie and the book (I cried at the end of all 3 of them). This is in no way meant to be offensive or degrading or any of that. If you're offended, please forgive me (please!).  
  
(Actions are in ^^'s)  
  
%%%%% Miss Avalon %%%%%  
  
Director: All right! Quiet down everyone! I have a cast list, and I can now announce who you are playing! But first, here are your scripts ^passes scripts around the circle of acting people^ Okay...let's start...  
  
Morgaine: ^leaning over to whispers to Lancelot^ Look at this Kim person...she's such a wimp...  
  
Director: Kim will be played by Morgaine.  
  
Morgaine: Oh shit.  
  
Director: Chris with be played by Accolon.  
  
Accolon: Hey, look on the bright side, Morgaine. We're the main couple.  
  
Morgaine: ^grins at Accolon^ That's all right then.  
  
Director: The Engineer will be Mordred.  
  
Mordred: Okie dokie.  
  
Director: John will be played by Lancelot. ^no one interrupts, so he continues^ Gigi will be played by Elaine. ^no one interrupts^ Three of those random "Queen's Ladies" people will be playing Mimi, Yvette, and Yvonne. ^no one says anything^ Uh guys...don't any of you have complaints or comments of something?  
  
Elaine: Actually, we don't care because everyone except two stupid people ^glares at Accolon and Morgaine^ have decided that they're not going to read the script yet.  
  
Director: Okay...right...going on...Ellen will be played by Gwenhwyfar.and Thuy will be played by Arthur. Any problems? Okay...let's start rehearsing...  
  
(A/N: Uh...everybody mystically knows all of the songs.)  
  
Bar girls: One of us will be Miss Saigon.  
  
Mordred: I've spread the word, it's Miss Saigon!  
  
Elaine: Who's left to screw who hasn't gone...uh...I don't like that line...it's kinda...weird...  
  
Gwenhwyfar: That's a vulgar comment! I don't think it's proper. You shouldn't make her say it...it's dis -  
  
Director: Listen, people! Most of the first act takes place in a whore house!  
  
Elaine: He said that word! Ick!  
  
Director: Listen, you'll have to get over that problem if you're going to play the head whore -  
  
Elaine: I'm the head whore?!? Me?!? Is that supposed to suggest something?!?  
  
Gwenhwyfar: If you're trying to suggest something, you should use Morgaine as the head whore.  
  
Director: No...I need her as Kim because she's the only one of you girls who sings! Now, keep going!  
  
Mordred: Shut up and get your hot pants on!  
  
Elaine: Each day more GI's disappear...whatever a GI is...  
  
Mordred: There's still some left and they'll all be here!  
  
Bar girls: A girl can trust the Engineer!  
  
Mordred: Surprise! I found this new girl...^shoves Morgaine at the girls^ get her dressed. From the country...untouched!  
  
Elaine: Wait! I'm playing a whore and Morgaine is the sweet innocent one?!?  
  
Director: Just say you're line.  
  
Elaine: Just give that virgin act a rest...seriously...  
  
Bar girls: You are my first American!  
  
Mordred: Allez, allez, allez...uh...what does "allez" mean? He says it an awful lot...  
  
Director: ^banging head against a wall^ Can we just skip to the next song?  
  
Americans: The heat is on in Saigon, the girls are hotter than Hell! One of these slits here will be Miss Saigon...God, the tension is high...not to mention the smell. The heat is on in Saigon. Is there a war going on? Don't ask, I aint' gonna tell.  
  
^Accolon and Lancelot enter and are greeted by Mordred^  
  
Mordred: Hey, Monsieur Chris, Monsieur John, you've come to win Miss Saigon!  
  
Lancelot: I gotta get my friend laid as a last souvenir.  
  
Accolon: I love you pal, but your bullshit I've had up to here!  
  
M/L/A: The heat is on in Saigon!  
  
Lancelot: But 'til they tell us we're gone, I'm gonna buy you a girl!  
  
Accolon: You can buy me a beer.  
  
Mordred: Showtime!  
  
Director: This one is going surprisingly well...  
  
Random Queen's Lady: Eww! I'm not saying that line!  
  
Director: Knew that was gonna happen. Let's skip to the next line that you guys don't find offensive.  
  
Elaine: Skip a couple of pages. ^turns pages^ Skips some more...and some more...and some more...  
  
Mordred: ^interrupting^ I'll start...you buy more tickets from me! The winner gets her for free!  
  
Accolon: The meat is cheap in -  
  
Elaine: I strongly object to being sold!  
  
Accolon: Ahem! I was just about to burst into my solo!!!  
  
Elaine: ^ignoring him^ This concept in completely barbarian!  
  
Director: It's only a play!  
  
Accolon: LET ME DO MY SOLO!!!!  
  
^Instant silence^  
  
Accolon: Thank you. Now...^clears throat^ The meat is cheap in Saigon. I used to love getting stoned, waking up with some whore. I don't know why I went dead, it's not fun anymore.  
  
^Mordred pushes Morgaine downstage^  
  
Morgaine: I'm 17 and I'm new here today. The village I come from seems so far away. All of the girls know much more what to say but I know, I have a heart like the sea! A million dreams are in me!  
  
Accolon: Good Jesus, John, who is she?  
  
Director: See?!? Why can't you all be professional like them?!? You don't see them complaining about their parts, do you?!?  
  
Accolon: Actually, I object to the "Good Jesus" thing. I'm not Christian.  
  
Morgaine: All the gods are one.  
  
Accolon: Okay...that works for me. Problem solved.  
  
Director: Let's skip a bit. Go to...uh..."Why God Why."  
  
Accolon: Okay...Why does Saigon never sleep at night? Why does this girl smell of orange trees? How can I feel good when nothing is right? Why is she cool when there is no breeze? Vietnam...you don't give answers do you friend? Just questions that never end... Why, God? Why today? I'm all through here.on my way... There's nothing left here that I'll miss, why send me now, a night like this?  
  
Lancelot: ^whispering to Gwenhwyfar^ This guy sure is confused...only two of the sentences in this song so far haven't been questions.  
  
Accolon: Who is the girl in the rusty bed? Why am I back in this filthy room? Why is her voice ringing in my head? Why am I high on her cheap perfume?  
  
Arthur: You just answered one of your own questions.  
  
Accolon: ^blinks^ I did? ^looks in script^ Where?  
  
Arthur: That whole "Why does this girl smell like orange trees" thing. You just said that she was wearing cheap perfume -  
  
Accolon: ^confused^ I did?  
  
Arthur: Yeah...right here...see? You got high on it.  
  
Accolon: Oh...that perfume...  
  
Arthur: So it must be citrus flavor.  
  
Accolon: Maybe...hey, Morgaine! What kind of perfume are you wearing?  
  
Morgaine: I don't think I wore perfume today.  
  
Accolon: Then what am I high on?  
  
Morgaine: How would I know? I just lying here waiting for you're solo to end so we can have a sappy duet.  
  
Director: Okay...this is getting ridiculous! Just skip that song!  
  
Morgaine: Can we please skip the sappy duet?  
  
Director: Fine! But we'll go back to it later. That means we're on the phone song. Lancelot! Get up here!  
  
Mordred: ^looks around^ Uh...he's not here.  
  
Director: What?!?  
  
Elaine: And Gwenhwyfar is gone too!  
  
^silence^  
  
Mordred: Doesn't that bother you, Arthur?  
  
Arthur: Actually, no. I don't really care.  
  
Mordred: But she's your wife!  
  
Arthur: Oh, I didn't want to marry her in the first place.  
  
Mordred: Who did you want to marry?  
  
Arthur: ^blushes^ No one...  
  
Mordred: Oh come on, you can tell me...I'm your son!  
  
Random Tech Crew Member: I thought you were Morgaine's son.  
  
Mordred: Yeah...so?  
  
RTCM: OMG! Are you suggesting that your parents were brother and sister?!?  
  
Mordred: You want to make something of it?  
  
RTCM: You're a bastard sprung of incest! Eww!  
  
Mordred: Stop it! ^draws sword and chases RTCM out of the building^  
  
Director: Shit...we needed him for the next scene.  
  
Accolon: Should we just skip ahead?  
  
Director: Yeah...go to the wedding ceremony... %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%  
  
A/N: Well? Love it? Hate it? I already have quite a bit more typed up, so if I get nice reviews, more will be up very soon. Also, please give me feedback on if you think I put it in the right section (ie should it be in "Movie: Mist of Avalon" or should it be "Musicals and Plays"? Or did I do the right thing by putting it here?). One more note about reviews, please don't flame me! And don't swear at me either...I'm a very sensitive person ^dramatic pose^  
  
~Happy Belated Holiday Season Saranha 


	2. In which there is a death

I updated! I'd like to thank my one reviewer, Fortuna! As for who Arthur wanted to marry...hmm...uh...let me think on that. Uh...thank you for reviewing! Other nice people should follow the example...please? ^puppy face^  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the crew members and the director. Or anything else you think I own...but I probably don't own it anyway...so, yeah...  
  
For a more in depth summary or author's note, see chapter one! %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%  
  
Director: Yeah...go to the wedding ceremony.  
  
Morgaine: I'm getting married?!?  
  
Director: Yeah...now, Elaine and the other girls get onstage.Morgaine and Accolon, be ready to enter. And, action!  
  
Girls: One of us girls is moving on, one girl will get out of Saigon.  
  
Elaine: So now who's really Miss Saigon?  
  
Girls: TV and stereo she gets, and Elvis Presley on cassettes.  
  
^Accolon and Morgaine enter^  
  
Girls: Look how he bought her a new dress -  
  
Morgaine: New dress? This is the one I was wearing last scene!  
  
Director: You were supposed to change costumes backstage!  
  
Morgaine: There wasn't enough time, duh!  
  
Director: That's because we skipped two scenes, so don't complain!  
  
Morgaine: ^mutters^ I wanted a new dress...  
  
Director: Continue!  
  
Girls: Look how he bought her a new dress, you did a job on him I guess.  
  
Morgaine: He simply asked me, I said yes.  
  
Girls: Come on, let's bless the new princess.  
  
Morgaine: What do you mean new? I've always been princess.  
  
Director: No...no. We're not going to bring your own backgrounds and history with each other into this show! Just keep to the script!  
  
Elaine: ^squints at script^ How do you pronounce that?  
  
Director: It's "dju vui vay".  
  
Elaine: Uh...not happening.  
  
Director: Okay then...I guess we're skipping that song. Go to the part where Thuy comes in.  
  
Arthur: I get to do something now! Yay! But I'm a little confused on my character...could you explain him? I don't get it.  
  
Director: Okay...Thuy and Kim were betrothed when she was 13. Now, he's come back to claim her for his bride.  
  
Arthur: But she's my sister!  
  
RTCM: That didn't stop you before.........  
  
Director: Just say the line...forget about you're real relationship to her. Pretend she's you're promised bride and you love her.  
  
Arthur: Okay. You're here, at last. I've come to take you home. All night I ran, I made it through the line. Kim, tell your friends, it's time to go away. This life, it ends! You're safe with me today!  
  
Accolon: This girl is mine!  
  
Arthur: Yours?!?  
  
Accolon: Now.  
  
Arthur: You?  
  
Both: Who are you?!?  
  
Morgaine: Stop!  
  
Director: Brilliant! Brilliant! I can feel the anger in the air!  
  
^Accolon and Arthur are beating each other up, and Morgaine's "Stop!" was a serious attempt to pry them apart^  
  
Director: Uh...you two? What did I say about not bringing your history into this show?  
  
^They are still fighting^  
  
Director: Stop it and use that anger for the rest of the song!  
  
^They stand and brush themselves off^  
  
Arthur: Who is this man, this American man? Do none of you see what's ahead?!? Have you gone mad? These are losers and whores ^turns to the ladies^ I'm sorry, I don't really mean that...it's just a line...I don't really think any of you are whores. I happen to know that you are all virtuous -  
  
Director: Arthur!  
  
Arthur: Right...sorry...These are losers and whores who will soon all be gone or be dead!  
  
Accolon: Get out of here!  
  
Morgaine: You have no right to be here! I'm not a prize you can claim! We were promised at 13, the woman I am now is not the same.  
  
Arthur: Our parents bound us together, and that is our fate! You knew I would come back to get you, why didn't you wait?  
  
RTCM: Because she's your sister...  
  
Mordred: ^glares at RTCM, but is restrained by Lancelot, who has slipped back into the audience with Gwenhwyfar^  
  
Morgaine: My parents got themselves killed in the week you changed sides! If there were promises all of them died when they died!  
  
Arthur: ^drawing gun^ Kim leave this man behind!  
  
Morgaine: Go on and shoot! I will not change my mind!  
  
Arthur: You are still mine!  
  
Morgaine: Not anymore!  
  
Arthur: You're mine until we die!  
  
RTCM: That's a little more than brotherly...  
  
^Mordred attacks RTCM, who dies^  
  
^silence^  
  
Arthur: Should I keep going?  
  
Director: Sure...  
  
Arthur: Okay! Saigon is doomed, and so is your GI! Whatever the heck a GI is...  
  
Accolon: Get the hell out!  
  
Arthur: You broke your father's word! This is your curse!  
  
Morgaine: What is my curse? All you've done is yell.  
  
Arthur: You know...I'm not sure. Director! What is her curse?  
  
Director: I don't know...maybe he mystically knows that she's gonna have Chris's kid...  
  
Arthur: Or maybe she's cursed by being stuck with Acco- I mean, Chris.  
  
^Accolon gets pissed and begins to attack Arthur^  
  
Director: That's it! Pry them apart!  
  
^Accolon and Arthur are tied to chairs in the audience^  
  
Morgaine: Now where are we staring from?  
  
Director: Well.we can't do the sappy duet because Accolon is being restrained...so let's have the chorus do The Morning of the Dragon.  
  
Gwenhwyfar: Actually...the chorus is outside trying to keep the police busy. What should we do?  
  
Director: Tell the police that it was suicide and we can all testify that.  
  
Elaine: But it wasn't! Mordred killed the random tech crew guy!  
  
Director: Shh! No one needs to know that! Besides, we need Mordred for the rest of the show...we don't need the dead guy.  
  
Gwenhwyfar: Still, that means we can't do the chorus part.  
  
Director: Then go to the part with the Engineer. Get up there, Mordred! And you'd better do a good job or we'll turn you over.  
  
Mordred: Three years of school was nice...in rice fields planting rice. You did good work you see, re-educating me. But men will always be men, they washed out my brain, I'm still what I am. Deep inside, I know what I know, wherever I go, I speak Uncle Ho and think Uncle Sam.  
  
Soldier 1: Your name is Trahn Van Dinh.  
  
Mordred: No.  
  
Director: Mordred! I can call in the police!  
  
Mordred: I mean...at your service.  
  
Soldier: You're called the Engineer.  
  
Mordred: Yes sir.  
  
Soldier: The people's commissar -  
  
Mordred: Am I free?  
  
Soldier: No loser. He's just ordered you back here.  
  
Accolon: We don't have soldiers 2 or 3.  
  
Director: Skip it to Thuy's part.  
  
Arthur: Kim...find my cousin...uh...find my fiancé for me? I think there was a type in the script. It says Kim is his cousin.  
  
Director: She is.  
  
Arthur: He's engaged to his cousin?!?  
  
Director: Apparently at that time in Vietnam, it was okay to marry your cousin.  
  
Arthur: But that's weird...  
  
Cameraman: It's not weirder than sleeping with your sister.  
  
^Mordred glares at the Cameraman, who wisely shuts up^  
  
Arthur: Whatever...find my cousin for me. I know she worked for you. You knew who her friends were...one of them is the clue. Sniff her out, you know how. Think now what she would do.  
  
Mordred: I never saw her again. I'm a different man. I've been enlightened since then, but men must help other men, and seeing it's you, I'll work to the bone.  
  
Arthur: I'll give you 48 hours...why doesn't he just say two days?  
  
Director: Just go on already!  
  
Arthur: If you want to stay free, don't come back here alone!  
  
^Mordred leaves, leaving Arthur awkwardly alone onstage^  
  
Arthur: Uh...can I leave now? We still don't have a chorus.  
  
Director: Okay...skip to I Still Believe. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%  
  
Please read and review! I still have some more done already, so if I get one more review...well, actually, I'd prefer two, but I'm pretty soft, so just review if you want more! Happy New Year's, Everybody! 


	3. Quality Family Time!

Wow! I'm such a total liar! ^twirls hair like valley girl^ Sorry it took so long to update. I was busy and then ff.net was somewhat closed down for the switch...etc. etc...thanks to anyone still reading this!  
  
Thank you to my reviewers, because no I have FOUR REVIEWS! ^confetti and streamers^  
  
Disclaimer: Okay...I don't own MoA or MS. I don't own any characters except the tech crew members and director and a couple more coming up in the next chapter. ALSO: I don't own Morgaine's whole "I'll get us a little boy" conversation with the Director...it's from "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever".  
  
This is a pretty long chapter, but I couldn't figure out where to cut it off.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * Director: Okay...skip to I Still Believe.  
  
Gwenhwyfar: Who do you need for that?  
  
Director: You and Morgaine sing...Accolon...sits in bed.  
  
^Accolon sits in a bed and Morgaine gets in place. Gwenhwyfar looks around confused^  
  
Gwenhwyfar: Where do I go?  
  
Director: You're sitting up in the bed.  
  
Gwenhwyfar: But.........that's Accolon's bed!  
  
Director: And you're playing Accolon's wife, so get into bed!  
  
Gwenhwyfar: I don't want to!  
  
Accolon: It's only a play...we don't even have to make out or anything!  
  
Gwenhwyfar: You're asking too much...and I don't like to sing.  
  
Director: Well, this song is just sappy...it doesn't serve much purpose. We can skip it for now.  
  
Accolon: Darn...I like that last line where they both swear that they're mine until they die.  
  
Arthur: I thought they were mine until we die!  
  
Accolon: Not according to the script! I get your sister and your wife! Ha!  
  
Director: Just go onto Back in Town!  
  
Mordred: Coo coo princess, look who's here! Your resurrected engineer! Don't ask me how I tracked you down, who has the sharpest nose in town? I'm here to throw a rope before you drown. For men, will always be men! You change the regime, the lust doesn't stop. You and I will team up again, together we'll reap the cream of the crop!  
  
Morgaine: Engineer, I don't want you here. I gave up that life, you must understand.  
  
Mordred: Out that door is a big shot who waits like a pup to come up and eat out of your hand -  
  
Arthur: ^from behind the door^ I think that's a little degrading!  
  
Director: Shut up!  
  
Mordred: Okay...whatever...Kim, the good times are back!  
  
Morgaine: Don't go on, it's too late.  
  
Mordred: Not to late for my star!  
  
Morgaine: Please let me hide in peace!  
  
Mordred: Better to screw the king...I mean police! Enter, monsieur commissar!  
  
^Arthur comes in^  
  
Arthur: Three years I've been away...I kept faith we would meet.  
  
Mordred: Me! I found her for you!  
  
Arthur: You! Out in the street! In time I knew fate would weave a design, tying your life and mine into one. Each day I'd wait, like a soldier must wait, trusting victory to come with the sun. After the fight in the still of the night, I would picture my bride white as jade...you'll be my wife, we will build a new life, and fulfill the vow our fathers made!  
  
Morgaine: My father's vow I can't honor today, and I pray in my heart he'll forgive. What you want now are some words I can't say....if I lied to you, how could I live?  
  
Arthur: Don't say anymore! Not a word! You can change, you can learn! Look at me! Don't decide too soon!  
  
Morgaine: It's not like we could get married anyway...  
  
Arthur: I know...what is this guy's problem? They're too close in blood, and she doesn't think about him that way...  
  
Mordred: ^coming around the fake door^ Sounds familiar...  
  
Arthur: Are you suggesting something?!?  
  
Director: Arthur, Morgaine! It's only a play! I'm not saying that you two are really cousins -  
  
Morgaine: We're siblings...that's worse.  
  
Director: And I didn't mean to say that Arthur was obsessively devoted to you!  
  
Mordred: ^coughs very loudly^  
  
Arthur: ^glare^  
  
Director: Please continue! ^bangs head against the wall^  
  
Arthur: Okay...whose line is it, anyway?  
  
Morgaine: Maybe mine...let me check...oh yeah. Somewhere deep in my soul shines the smallest of lights...and no wind blows it out...it burns steady and strong...through the darkest of nights...uh...June July May was it?  
  
Director: What the heck?!?  
  
Morgaine: Oh curse it, we'll just kept going. I made a promise once with these words which neither time nor distance has changed. He will come to me still.  
  
Arthur: No he won't. He was in bed with my wife, remember?  
  
Director: No...no...NO!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Morgaine: Arthur...just say the line for now.  
  
Arthur: Okay! You must be mad! You're American jack is gone for good and he'll never come back! They ran away with the skin they could save, the ones who remained are now dead in a grave!  
  
^pause^  
  
Morgaine: Mordred....isn't it your line?  
  
Mordred: I'm waiting for the Engineer to re-enter.  
  
Arthur: You're the Engineer.  
  
Mordred: Yeah...but how do I re-enter?  
  
Director: That kind of suggests being offstage when you're supposed to be!  
  
Mordred: Right! ^walks out the door and comes back in^ Come on, princess, get off your cloud...I'm sorry, sir, she was talking so loud.  
  
Arthur: Eavesdropper...  
  
Mordred: ^ignoring him^ The commissar is a powerful man, and girl with a brain makes a life where she can. Princess, remember your place. Don't make people loose face.  
  
Arthur: Why do you look away? I can end all this shame. All you need say is yes. You hear those soldiers outside? They'll do whatever I say!  
  
Morgaine: I cannot change how I feel.  
  
Arthur: Come inside! ^all of the bar girls enter, dressed in camouflage^ Uh...what are you guys doing here?  
  
Elaine: We were short on soldiers, so we're going to do the part. Okay?  
  
Arthur: I guess...^clears throat^ I think you can change before my eyes. This me-my has just been found; she hid the day we closed the bars-  
  
Morgaine: What's a me-my?  
  
Director: I'll look it up...just a second...okay...it's not in a dictionary, so just go on. (AN: Actually, out of curiosity, I did look this up...I still don't know what it means! ^cry^)  
  
Arthur: Show her that we don't forget! No one betrays us without scars!  
  
Elaine: You are a woman who lived without shame!  
  
Gwenhwyfar: You got that right...  
  
Director: Quiet offstage!  
  
Lady 1: You're an infection left over from war!  
  
Lady 2: You have dishonored the national name!  
  
Elaine: Re-education will cure the disease!  
  
Lady 1: You must be shown what we do to a leech!  
  
Lady 2: See how we treat an American's whore!  
  
Morgaine: What did you just call me?  
  
Lady 2: A-an American's whore? ^Morgaine raises a fist^ I'm sorry, miss! It's just a line!  
  
Director: Don't kill her, Morgaine!  
  
Arthur: Ha! I told you Mordred got the murderous genes from her!  
  
Morgaine: She called me a whore!  
  
Lancelot: Actually, she called you an American's whore...whatever difference that makes...  
  
Elaine: What's an American?  
  
Director: Huh?  
  
Elaine: Well, the characters keep talking about Americans and GIs and we don't know what they are.  
  
Director: ^heavy sigh^ Well, you see, America is a country, and Vietnam is a country. During this show, they were fighting a war...and Thuy is really pissed at Kim because she's in love with Chris, who is an American. A GI is a sort of American soldier.  
  
Morgaine: What's wrong with her being in love with an American?  
  
Director: He has a problem with it because she's Vietnamese.  
  
Morgaine: You mean Chris and Kim aren't the same race?  
  
Director: Duh! How can you not know that? It's crucial to the plot!  
  
Lancelot: Well, that could be a problem, because all of us are pretty much the same race. Which character is supposed to be which?  
  
Director: Ellen, John, and Chris are the main Americans. Kim, Thuy, and all of the soldiers and bar girls are Vietnamese. The Engineer is part European I believe...probably French because he calls everybody monsieur.  
  
Lancelot: Well, that's really hard to tell with our cast.  
  
Director: We're doing an incredibly controversial version of Miss Saigon.  
  
Gwenhwyfar: What is Saigon anyway?  
  
Director: You guys have been singing songs about it and you don't know what it is? ^everyone shrugs^ Saigon was the capital of Vietnam until it was renamed after the war. Any more questions? ^everybody shakes their heads^ Good...let's continue. Where were we?  
  
Morgaine: She called me an American's whore.  
  
Director: Then go on, please.  
  
Mordred: I have heard hundreds of speeches like these, take it from me...you don't want to hear more!  
  
Arthur: It's time to act my friends, it's time!  
  
"Soldiers": Her face betrays her crime...she must pay, and her partner too!  
  
Arthur: Get out! Everybody out! Wait a second...why am I sending them away? Wasn't it "time to act" or something?  
  
Director: He wanted to frighten her into marrying him.  
  
Morgaine: It won't work though...I won't marry you...  
  
Arthur: Well, duh!  
  
Director: No! Thuy is trying to frighten Kim into marrying him! Stay in character!  
  
Mordred: ^continuing^: Are you waiting for them to kill me? Did you not get what he said?!? There's a big screw loose inside you...I will rip IT OUT OF YOUR HEAD!!!  
  
Morgaine: ^scared^ Dude...you're really creepy...^whimper^  
  
Mordred: Don't worry, Mother. Just trying to stay in character.  
  
Director: Please continue to try!  
  
Mordred: That's a mad dog on a rampage! If you think he'll change, save your breath.  
  
Arthur: Time out! First of all, I thought we were trying to "re-educate" Kim, not Thuy, and second, did he just call me a mad dog?  
  
Director: Shut up and keep going.  
  
Mordred: Righty ho. Just say yes! I don't care if you love him! Life has it all over death!  
  
Morgaine: I have a husband I love...real as the sun in the sky. I cannot live with a lie!  
  
Arthur: Do you see now who has the power? Do you still think crazy things?  
  
Morgaine: Chris will come to me like a phoenix, and he'll carry me off on his wings!  
  
Arthur: I thought you were afraid of heights...  
  
Morgaine: No...but it's just a line anyway.  
  
Arthur: Still, maybe Chris won't fly her away. Maybe he'll take a boat...  
  
Morgaine: You never know...he might just take a train.  
  
Mordred: Nope. Won't work. You can't get from Vietnam to the US on land.you have to fly or go overseas.  
  
Arthur: Still...a boat is always a possibility.  
  
Mordred: Yeah...they try a boat later in the show.  
  
Morgaine: Really? I wonder -  
  
Director: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!! What is wrong with you people?!? Just keep going!  
  
^silence^  
  
Director: Arthur it's your line!  
  
Arthur: Okay. You are a traitor to your country!  
  
Morgaine: If I am, then let it be.  
  
M/M/A: I am talking of life or death now! I am talking of staying free!  
  
Mordred: So there it is now, I'll be moving on...if you don't need me then I'd rather be gone. Two kids in love don't need strangers around...^nudge^ ^wink^  
  
Morgaine: That was so unsettling...  
  
Arthur: And who is he to call us kids?  
  
Morgaine: ^shrugs^ Whatever...just keep going, I guess.  
  
Arthur: You just get out! Oh, wait...he's already gone...  
  
Morgaine: Keep going!  
  
Arthur: And as for you, come with me!  
  
Morgaine: No! There is a secret that you don't know! There is a force here I never show! You say it's treason to keep my vow! Season after season, I've survived some-  
  
Arthur: Just go on already and tell me what the heck it is.  
  
Morgaine: Fine. ^calls offstage^ Tam!  
  
^silence^  
  
Director: What's the problem?  
  
Gwenhwyfar: We don't actually have a Tam here yet.  
  
Director: That's kind of a problem!  
  
Morgaine: I'll get us a little boy.  
  
Director: How can you do that, Morgaine?  
  
Morgaine: There's always two or three little boys in the carriages outside the supermarket...I'll just get one of them.  
  
Director: Morgaine! You can't just run off with somebody's baby!  
  
Mordred: We'll just have to use the doll instead.  
  
Director: We don't have a doll! We need a Tam right now!  
  
Elaine: I'll get one! ^runs outside happily^ * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Hmm...I liked that chapter okay. I decided to have a weird moment with the three of them. Yes, it was a REALLY weird moment, but whatever. I don't have much more written yet, so it's up to you guys: would you rather have a short wait and a medium sized chapter or a long wait with a long chapter? Just let me know in your review!  
  
Also, if you have any ideas, please contribute! I get stuck sometimes and I don't write for weeks...(for proof, see my other stories).  
  
Thanks for reviewing!  
  
~Saranha de Angelo 


	4. In which a lot of really random stuff ha...

Oh yeah! I've got 5 reviews! Go me! (This is code for, thank you for reviewing the story that seems to be getting worse as opposed to better). So, yeah.  
  
Cudae: Thanks a lot! Actually, I really didn't know what "Allez" meant (hence avoiding the director answering the question) and I really didn't know any of that other stuff. ^shrugs^ I'm quite ignorant. Thank you so much for your help! I'm really not sure what I should do with "Bui Doi" actually. Is there anything in particular you want to see done with it? Because I'm sure I could work it in if you like.  
  
Thanks also to geg, AngelWings, and Fortuna (who haven't reviewed chapter 3, but that's okay!).  
  
Disclaimer: Okay, this time, I actually own quite a bit. I own the director, any tech crew members, the reporter and crowd, and the ambulance lady. That's it. And if you sue me, well, I'll get really sad. And I'm very annoying when I'm sad. So save all of us the trouble and don't sue me. %&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&  
  
Director: We don't have a doll! We need a Tam right now!  
  
Elaine: I'll get one! ^runs outside happily^  
  
%%%%%%%%%% OUTSIDE %%%%%%%%%%  
  
Reporter: And it seems here that there was a mysterious death of one of the crew members during the making of a controversial version of the musical "Miss Saigon." The cast and crew members inside report that it was a suicide, but there is a large crowd of people outside the theater anyway...  
  
Elaine: Hey! Any of you noisy crowd people have a little boy?  
  
Reporter: And now it seems that there is a member of the party in question asking for a young boy...let's see what happens!  
  
Random Lady: Well, I have my three year old son here...  
  
Elaine: ^walking up to random lady^ He'll do. ^grabs kid and head back inside^  
  
Random Lady: Wait! Bring Donnie back!  
  
Reporter: There you have it...a little boy was stolen from the crowd into the theater...there will be more on this later.  
  
%%%%%%%%%%% BACK INSIDE %%%%%%%%  
  
Accolon: Got any 3's?  
  
Morgaine: Go fish...Arthur, got any 7's?  
  
Arthur: Darn. ^hands her cards^  
  
Elaine: ^running back in with Donnie^ I got us a little boy!  
  
Director: Hmm...he'll work! Good job Elaine!  
  
Elaine: ^beams with pride^  
  
Director: Dare I ask where you got him?  
  
Police: ^from outside^ Bring that small child back!  
  
Elaine: ^grin^  
  
Director: ^sigh^ Let's just keep going.  
  
Morgaine: Okay...Tam! ^Donnie comes running into her arms^ Thuy, this is my son. He has kept me alive. Now you see why I must tell you no.  
  
Arthur: No one must ever see this thing you're showing me! That bastard fouls our name!  
  
Morgaine: My baby's not to blame for what I've done!  
  
Arthur: You must decide upon which side you're really on...you whored to make that kid!  
  
Donnie: Wow...I've never heard some of those words before!  
  
Morgaine: Uh.here are some ear plugs. ^Donnie pouts, but puts them in^ That isn't what I did! Don't touch my son!  
  
Arthur: You must see how it is when you're my wife! Keeping that child of his brands us for life! No alternative, this child cannot live!  
  
Morgaine: You will not touch him, don't touch my boy! He's what I live for...he's my only joy!  
  
Arthur: I think there's another misprint...the lines are horizontal on the page inside of vertical.  
  
Director: No...that means you two are singing at the same time.  
  
Arthur: What if we get confused?  
  
Director: You won't get confused! Just try it!  
  
Morgaine: You will not touch him, don't touch my boy. He's what I live for...he's my only joy!  
  
Arthur: ^at the same time^ He is my enemy! It's he who turns you from me! Erase him from your life...even your memory. He is one drop in a flood left here to taint our blood! Our parent's bond is sworn...forget that he was born!  
  
Director: That was magnificent!  
  
Morgaine: ^draws gun^ Don't touch my little boy! And do not test my will! I'm warning you: for him I'll kill!  
  
Arthur: ^once more at the same time^ Of course you have a gun, and now you'd shoot your bro- cousin! And it's a US gun; a gun that lost the war! You're the corrupted one...go on and shoot, don't wait! To save your bastard son, you must not hesitate!  
  
Director: Gorgeous!  
  
Rest of Cast: ^touched^  
  
Morgaine: The earth moves where I stand, I feel the turning of a wheel...I feel nothing in my hand, not even the feel of steel! YOU WILL NOT TAKE MY CHILD!  
  
Arthur: YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO KILL!  
  
Morgaine: I have no other choice! What I must do, I will! ^shoots^  
  
Arthur: ^falls down dying^  
  
Director: Shit!  
  
Morgaine: Arthur! ^runs to his side^  
  
Arthur: Morgaine...  
  
Morgaine: I'm so sorry, Arthur! I got lost in the moment!  
  
Arthur: It's okay, Morgaine...I was too...we sacrificed everything for the arts...  
  
Director: ^banging head against the wall^  
  
Morgaine: My brother...my baby...my love...  
  
Arthur: ^dies^  
  
Rest of Cast: ^touched and moved^ ^sob^  
  
Director: Uh guys?!? This is kind of a PROBLEM!!!!!  
  
Lancelot: Actually, it's not. Now that Thuy is dead, he isn't in the rest of the play.  
  
Mordred: Actually, there's a part for "Thuy's Ghost". I assume that would be played by the same actor?  
  
Director: Yes, and in any case, we have more than one show! We can't kill somebody each time! I'll get sued!!!  
  
Gwenhwyfar: Aren't we already getting sued? I mean, for the whole murder thing and the child abduction...  
  
Director: That doesn't matter! All I know is we need a new Thuy!  
  
Morgaine: I can't believe I killed my own brother! ^sob^  
  
Mordred: Yeah...I always thought that was my job...^shrug^  
  
Morgaine: ^glares at Mordred^  
  
Director: We need a new Thuy! Hello! Is anyone listening to me?!?  
  
Lancelot: Gwen and I are!  
  
Morgaine: But we don't need a new Thuy! I'll just bring Arthur back!  
  
Director: Morgaine...you can't bring people back from the dead...  
  
Morgaine: ^pulls out cell phone^ Listen, Director Guy. I can get Arthur back...^dials^ Hello? This is Morgaine. Yes...oh, I remember you! Oh, gosh, how is your daughter doing? Third grade, right? Really? That's wonderful! Congratulate her for me! Mordred? No...he still doesn't have a real job yet...  
  
Mordred: Mother!  
  
Morgaine: Well, now...actually, he and I are both working on this musical thing. Uh huh. Yeah...you should come see it. Yeah...it's called...uh...just a second. ^looks at Director^ what is it called again?  
  
Director: ^fuming^ It's called MISS SAIGON!!  
  
Morgaine: Right! ^back to phone^ Yeah, it's called Miss Saigon. OH, me? I'm playing Kim! Yes, an excellent part, isn't it? No! You never told me you were in Fiddler on the Roof! OMG! How cool! Did you-  
  
Director: MORGAINE! Do the words "dead brother" remind you of anything?!?  
  
Morgaine: Oh...right...by the way, Arthur died. Yeah...it's so awful. He was killed in an accident at rehearsal. That's kind of why I'm calling. We need to revive him. So, could you send someone over? You could? Thanks! I'll call you later! ^hangs up^  
  
Director: Well, that was a waste of time and pages. Can they revive Arthur?  
  
Morgaine: Yup.  
  
Director: You sure?  
  
Morgaine: Yup.  
  
Director: Okay. So, I guess that means they should be here soon.  
  
Mordred: Should we keep going?  
  
Director: Yeah...I guess we should. So, it's time for the Engineer's solo song. Mordred, get up there in the center and-  
  
^pounding on the door^  
  
Director: Uh...come in!  
  
^an ambulance drives in^  
  
Reporter: And now, an ambulance has driven straight into the theater! We have rumors that there was another death- ^sentence cut off as the door is closed^  
  
Director: Uh...why are they here?  
  
Morgaine: I called them, duh!  
  
Director: You were gossiping with the 911 dispatcher?!? ^Morgaine nods happily^  
  
Ambulance Lady: ^runs up to Arthur^ Well, I'm not sure we can save him, but we'll try. ^slaps him^ There you are.  
  
Director: Are you crazy?!? That's never going to-  
  
Arthur: Oh...thanks. I feel much better now.  
  
Director: What?  
  
Ambulance Lady: It seems to me he wasn't actually dead...he just fainted from surprise or something. I don't really know. I'm not a real doctor.  
  
Director: But he was shot!  
  
Ambulance Lady: I don't' see any bullet wounds.  
  
Director: What does that mean?  
  
Mordred: It means that Morgaine didn't really shoot the gun.  
  
Director: But we all saw her!  
  
Morgaine: I wonder...^looks at gun^ Oh! I get it now! See...it's one of those popper guns that makes a loud noise when a cork-like thing pops out of it on a string. The string must have broken, and the cork flew away so we didn't notice!  
  
Gwenhwyfar: ^confused^ Uh...I'm not quite sure I understand.  
  
Morgaine: Just come up here and take a look. ^Gwen does so^ Now, you see, when I pull this fake trigger, then-  
  
Director: We're moving on now! Mordred, get up there and sing!  
  
Mordred: I have to sing this whole song alone?!?  
  
Director: Yes...you do.  
  
Mordred: ^looks at song^ But it's so long. ^pouts^ Couldn't someone help me sing it? You know, we divide up the lines...  
  
Director: No.  
  
Mordred: Please?  
  
Director: No!  
  
Mordred: Pretty please?  
  
Director: NO!  
  
Mordred: ^draws sword and points it at Director's throat^ Please.  
  
Director: Okay! Sounds like a plan! 


	5. If You Want To Die In Bed

Okay...everyone remember when I said that I had more of this done then I had posted? Right now I'm up to Bui Doi (which I have an idea for, but it's not very good). So, yes, I know this is a very short chapter. But when I looked at what I had, the only other logical break in sight was after 8 more pages. I figured that I'd give you all this right now, and if even 1 person reviews, I'll post the next chapter.  
  
I have reviews! And reviewers! I'm so happy! ^throws roses to reviewers^  
  
Disclaimer: I own the frightened tech crew, the psychopathic director, and...that's all in this chapter. Enjoy! %&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&  
  
Director: Okay! Sounds like a plan!  
  
Gwenhwyfar: So...I'll go first ^reads script^. If you want to die in bed ^pauses and blinks^ Okay...follow my example. When you see a cloud ahead, it's time to show your class. This isn't such a bad song after all. Hit the door before they make a target of your...donkey?  
  
Director: What the heck?!?  
  
Gwenhwyfar: Well, ass is another word for donkey, right?  
  
Director: I am NEVER doing another musical again...especially not with people like you! ^points threatening finger^  
  
Elaine: ^runs off crying^  
  
Director: Dang...at least we don't need her until curtain call. Keep going.  
  
Arthur: If you want to die in bed, in times of revolution...wait! Why would anyone revolt? Aren't I a good king?!?  
  
Morgaine: ^grabs his script and continues^ When the flag they fly is red, let pride fill up your chest. Meanwhile, pack a sack, and take the first boat heading west.  
  
Mordred: ^opening box^ My precious souvenirs, of all the golden years! Rolex watches in steel...that look practically real! I need a little stock to start me in Camelot.  
  
Morgaine: Son...are you plotting something again?  
  
Mordred: ^grin^ No, Mother. If you want to die in bed, forget about your Karma! When your life hangs by a thread, don't cry about the fates...  
  
Lancelot: He could learn something from himself...  
  
Mordred: Grab a stash of cash, and plan a restaurant in the States! Let me stop for a bit, this was my greatest hit. Miss Saigon and her crown...wait, where's the crown?  
  
Morgaine: ^holding it on her head^ You can't have it! It's mine!  
  
Director: You stole it from Elaine, didn't you?  
  
Morgaine: She got Lancelot, I get the crown. I think it's a fair deal.  
  
Gwenhwyfar: Wait! I thought I traded Lancelot for a crown...oh Lord; I'm using symbolism, aren't I?  
  
Director: What are you girls talking about?  
  
Gwenhwyfar: Not sure.  
  
Mordred: ^grabs crown off of Morgaine's head^ I made her queen of the town. I get them paying more, for just another whore!  
  
Elaine: ^reentering^ So you think I'm worthless too?!? ^runs away crying again^  
  
Mordred: ^angry at being interrupted again^ Here I come, USA!!! Your next champ's.ON HIS WAY!!!! GAH!!!! ^throws a spotlight at one of the set crew^  
  
Member of Set Crew: ^dies^  
  
Director: Not again!!!  
  
Gwenhwyfar: Should we stop?!?  
  
Director: No!!! THE SHOW MUST GO ON!!!  
  
Mordred and Lancelot: For men will always be men, the rules are the same, for kings and for clerks...  
  
Arthur: Are you insulting me?  
  
M/L: ^ignoring him^ Give me Frances, or dollars, or Yen, I'll set up a game. I know how it works. Why was I born of a race that thinks only of rice and hates entrepreneurs?!? Me, I belong in a place where a man sets his price and you pay and he's yours!  
  
Morgaine: Um...you realize how disturbing that sounds?  
  
Gwenhwyfar: ^hyperventilating^ Breathe in...breathe out...  
  
Lancelot: I am sorry for upsetting you, my love!  
  
Gwenhwyfar: Just keep going...I'll be alright.  
  
Lancelot: I should be...American! Where every promised lands and every businessman knows where he stands! First stop Bangkok, and then I roam! Cross that ocean white with foam! To the place that is my heart's true home...America!  
  
Accolon: I think he used just about every word that ends with "ome" in that verse.  
  
Arthur: Lance, I had no idea you were this disloyal! All these years, I thought you a model citizen-  
  
Mordred: Model citizen? He slept with your wife!  
  
Arthur: That fact can be overlooked. But all this time, you were secretly planning to run away to America, weren't you?!? You never really were a loyal knight! You just served me to get closer to my wife! In fact...I bet Gwen's in on this too! You're all traitors! I'm the only real patriot here! But never fear, for I will make the dream of Camelot come true...and I will lead the Golden Age!  
  
^silence^  
  
Mordred: Until I kill you, that is.  
  
Arthur: Gah! ^goes and hides backstage with Elaine^  
  
Director: Mordred, you are angering my cast and...well, killing my tech crew. I may have to rethink your participation in this production. Someone finish off the song!  
  
Accolon: If you want to die in bed, en route to your nirvana! You grab a chance and plunge ahead and go where people win. Heaven's there...but shit! You need a visa to get in!  
  
Director: Okay, everyone. Mordred, are you happy now?  
  
Mordred: Yes. ^smiles innocently^  
  
Director: Okay...then we're moving on to where Kim enters. That means that everyone who is NOT Morgaine or Mordred need to get off the stage! Oh yeah, Morgaine: bring Donnie on with you.  
  
Morgaine: Okay.  
  
Director: Action!  
  
%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&  
  
Coming up in the next chapter...Gwen becomes a more central character (EvermoreElf, I hope you're happy...she gets to do more later on)! Morgause and Viviane decide to drop in! Arthur and Elaine have an argument about...woodchucks? ^blink^ Just read and review so I can post more ASAP!  
  
~Saranha (have I mentioned I don't even own my name?) 


	6. More Donnieness

I'm in a good mood! I keep getting reviews! I love you all! ^squeezes all reviewers in a hug^ Sorry...I'll try to restrain my emotions more.  
  
I like this chapter quite a bit, so if you hate it, break it to me gently. Viviane and Morgause come in, and Gwen acts a little odd. But I love her like this. Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: I OWN IT! I DO! Okay, joking...do you really think I own anything other than the Director and his tech crew?  
  
$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$  
  
Director: Action!  
  
Morgaine: Engineer! Thuy is dead! He was going to kill my baby and I shot!  
  
Mordred: You did what?!? Who is this?!? You'll be followed! Get him out of here! Good bye!  
  
Morgaine: We must leave, Tam and I. We must set out for America tonight!  
  
Mordred: Oh right! Just like that?! Tell me how, and while you're at it, tell me why.  
  
Morgaine: I hear the voice of my soldier telling me to bring his son.  
  
Accolon: I have a son?  
  
Director: Shut up!  
  
Mordred: You're telling me this half-breed brat is born the son of a Marine? Wait! Hold up! I thought Chris was a GI!  
  
Director: Well, yeah...but...  
  
Mordred: But nothing! How can you expect us to perform a play where the information is inconsistent?!?  
  
Director: It says "marine" because "GI" doesn't rhyme with "seen".  
  
Gwenhwyfar: Well, that's certainly stupid.  
  
Director: I'm the director! You do NOT talk back to the director!  
  
Gwenhwyfar: Yeah?! Well, I've been taking some drama classes...  
  
Morgaine: I thought you thought acting was evil...ya know? Like, a sin or something? (A/N: Okay, if you people think I'm really calling acting a sin, then I'll write you a long e-mail about my 7 years of drama training.)  
  
Gwenhwyfar: No. Acting is a wonderful form of self expression. Anyway, like I was saying-  
  
Morgaine: So, I'm evil because I play the harp for people. And you're not because you dance, sing, and talk in front of people?  
  
Gwenhwyfar: No. You're evil because you're a crazy witch, and I'm not because I'm a pure, good person.  
  
Mordred: ^cough^ Affair with Lancelot... ^cough^  
  
Gwenhwyfar: How dare you challenge your queen's authority!  
  
Director: ^not wanting this to result in a fight^ So, what were you saying, Gwen?  
  
Gwenhwyfar: Well, aren't we supposed to have a stage manager?  
  
Director: ^blink^ Hey...that's a good point.  
  
Morgaine: What do we need a stage manager for?  
  
Director: Well, a stage manager makes lists of props needed, costumes needed, they help out with lights and sound, they make sure the artistic vision of the director is carried out after the show opens...they do a lot of stuff.  
  
Lancelot: Sounds like we need one of these stage manager things.  
  
Director: You're right! ^turns to tech crew^ So, who wants to be stage manager?  
  
^the tech crew shuffles feet and looks at the floor^  
  
Director: What's wrong? Why isn't anyone volunteering?  
  
Random Tech Crew Member #2 (#1 died...remember?): Well, we don't really want to have to handle all of.them once the show opens.  
  
Arthur and Elaine: ^from backstage^ So you hate us too?!? ^sob^  
  
Mordred: You fiend! ^draws sword^  
  
Director: Restrain him! And get me an aspirin!  
  
Gwenhwyfar: ^opens box^ Here's an aspirin.  
  
Director: Thank you. ^swallows it^ You know, Gwen...you're a real nice girl. And responsible too. Do you want to be stage manager?  
  
Gwenhwyfar: YES!!! YES!!!!!!!!!! THE POSITION OF POWER IS FINALLY MINE!!!!!  
  
^everyone is seriously disturbed^  
  
Director: Um...what do you say, cast?  
  
Morgaine: Will it make her shut up?  
  
Gwenhwyfar: ^draws sword^  
  
^random shouts of "Where'd she get that?!?^  
  
Lancelot: I knew my scabbard was lighter than it should have been!  
  
Gwenhwyfar: I will be stage manager, here me?!?  
  
Morgaine: Okay...okay...  
  
Director: Can we continue please? Gwen, you know what to do right? ^Gwen nods happily^ Okay...keep going!  
  
Mordred: ^still being restrained by some random Queen's ladies people^ Where were we?  
  
Morgaine: We were at the part where Chris reveals that he is actually a marine, not a GI.  
  
Mordred: You're telling me this half breed brat is born the son of a marine? Let me see his western nose...this bastard is the most beautiful sight I've ever seen!  
  
Donnie: Thank you.  
  
Morgaine: Shut up, kid.  
  
Mordred: A passport in my hand...my new life can begin! You're brat's American, so they must let us in! In...the playground of mankind...the movie in my mind!  
  
Donnie: Will there be swings there?  
  
Mordred: Yes, Tam, now shut up.  
  
Donnie: My name's not Tam.  
  
Mordred: Yes it is. I'm going to legally change it. ^scribbles something on a piece of paper^ There. This paper declares that your name is Tam.  
  
Director: ^more curious than angry^ Don't you need a parent to sign one of those things?  
  
Mordred: Here, Mother. Sign it.  
  
Morgaine: Okay. ^signs^  
  
Director: But she's not his real mother.  
  
Mordred: ^scribbles on another piece of paper^ There...an adoption form!  
  
Elaine: ^coming back to the audience^ What if he doesn't want to be adopted?  
  
Morgaine: Do you want me to be your mother?  
  
Donnie..........er...Tam: Well, my other mom made me eat broccoli...so yeah!  
  
Director: Don't you need some higher authority to sign those?  
  
Arthur: ^walking onto the stage with a golden light on him and heavenly music playing^ I will sign those, for I am king!  
  
^choirs of angels in song^  
  
Arthur: Gwen, stop that! ^the lights go back to normal^  
  
Gwenhwyfar: ^from the booth^ Sorry!  
  
Arthur: No problem. ^signs papers^ There. You are now Tam, son of Morgaine and whoever the hell she says is your father.  
  
Tam (formerly known as Donnie): Yay!  
  
Mordred: Welcome to the family, brother!  
  
Arthur: Yes, welcome, nephew.  
  
^Mordred, Morgaine, Arthur, and Tam have a group hug^  
  
Director: Guys...I'm sorry, but this is more sappiness than I can bear.  
  
^everyone ignores him^  
  
Gwenhwyfar: Hello, Tam. I'm your Aunt Gwen.  
  
Lancelot: I'm your mother's cousin Lance.  
  
Elaine: I'm your aunt's cousin Elaine.  
  
Accolon: I'm your mother's boyfriend, Accolon.  
  
^everyone glares at him^  
  
Accolon: Well, what else could I tell him?  
  
^Suddenly, out of nowhere, Viviane and Morgause appear!^  
  
Viviane: Morgaine has a child?!? Who's the father?!? This boy could be a druid! Give him to me!  
  
Morgause: ^fighting with Viviane to get there first^ No! I want that one! That way, if Mordred dies, I'll have a backup!  
  
Mordred: Mother!  
  
Morgause and Morgaine: What?!?  
  
Morgause: I believe he was talking to me, Morgaine.  
  
Morgaine: ^blushes^ Sorry. I've just been listening to him call me mother lately, and...well, I was kind of liking it.  
  
^a chorus of "Awww's"^  
  
Tam: Who are you two?  
  
Viviane: I'm your mother's aunt, Viviane...Lady of the Lake.  
  
Morgause: I'm your mother's other aunt, Morgause, Queen of Orkney!  
  
Tam: Where's grandma?  
  
Morgaine: Grandma's in a nunnery, poppet.  
  
Tam: And grandpa?  
  
Morgaine: Dead.  
  
Director: Tam...out of curiosity, are you actually remembering your relation to all of these people?  
  
Tam: Um...well, ^points at Elaine^ she's my aunt...  
  
Arthur: No, Tam. She's your aunt's cousin. And your mother's cousin's wife.  
  
Lancelot: Oh right...Elaine and I are married...I get it.  
  
Director: I think you're confusing the poor boy. Can't we just continue?  
  
Viviane: Not until we figure out who gets Morgaine's child this time! I think since Morgause got the last one, I should get this one!  
  
Director: First of all, since it's "Morgaine's child", shouldn't Morgaine get it?  
  
Gwenhwyfar: Oh no! Nobody raises their own children in Camelot!  
  
Director: Okay...but second of all, should I point out that Tam is not actually Morgaine's child?  
  
Morgause/Viviane: What?!?  
  
Director: She just adopted him.  
  
Morgause/Viviane: NO!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Director: ^to Morgaine and Mordred^ You were raised by those two? ^they both nod^ I think I'm starting to understand where your oddness came from.  
  
Morgause/Viviane: NO!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Director: Listen, you two are disrupting rehearsal. Please sit in the audience quietly so we can continue. We haven't actually said a line from the play in three pages! That's a record!  
  
Mordred: Right. ^to Tam^ I'm your dear brother from now on-  
  
Director: Actually, Mordred, that comment is directed to Morgaine.  
  
Mordred: Okay...whatever. ^to Morgaine^ I'm your dear brother from now on.  
  
Arthur: First you take my throne, now you steal my position in the family! ^sniff^ I'm starting to think you dislike me.  
  
Mordred: ^draws sword^  
  
Morgause: Don't waste your time, Mordred. You have a task to complete. ^he puts the sword away^  
  
Director: ^blink^ Wow, Morgause. You're actually somewhat useful. Continue.  
  
Mordred: And all our family is gone. Boy, kiss your brand new Uncle Tran!  
  
Tam: Oh, so YOU'RE my uncle. I thought it was that Arthur guy...  
  
Morgaine: No, Arthur is your uncle, Tam.  
  
Tam: But that guy just said he's my uncle!  
  
Morgaine: No, he's your brother.  
  
Tam: No, he's YOUR brother.  
  
Morgaine: Tam, just shut up and play along.  
  
Mordred: This kid is okay...he's our entrée to the USA! With these two little diamonds to bait my hooks, I'll book us on a cruise "boat people" deluxe! Don't worry 'bout the sharks out in the Mekong Bay...the pirates taking us are more scary any day! You just stay here and hide, don't show your face outside. Take care of our little dear...I'll go engineer! ^leaves^  
  
Director: No, Mordred. Come back out. This last part is for you to say to the audience.  
  
Mordred: Oh. Okay. If you want to die in bed, don't care too much for your country.  
  
Arthur: ^grumbles unhappily^  
  
Mordred: Hit the open sea instead, and float there like a cork! Uncle Ho, ho ho ho! I'll have to call you from New York! ^leaves^  
  
Morgaine: ^looking at solo^ Ugh...so long. So boring.  
  
Viviane (who somehow has a script): It's not boring, child. It's a song of devotion from a mother to her son.  
  
Mordred: Something you wouldn't know much about.  
  
Morgaine: What are you saying? I love Tam!  
  
Mordred: ^bangs head against the wall^  
  
Tam: I really want some ice cream.  
  
Director: Tam, you can't get ice cream right now. We're in the middle of rehearsal.  
  
Gwenhwyfar: That's true, but may I point out that we haven't had a break since Tam got here?  
  
Director: How often do you people need breaks?  
  
Lancelot: Judging by how rehearsal's going, I'd say pretty often.  
  
Director: Fine, go take a break! Morgaine, you take Tam and find some ice cream!  
  
Morgause: I'll go with you, dear niece!  
  
Viviane: No, I'm going with her! ^they get into a fight in the aisle...Mordred laughs evilly^  
  
Accolon: Whatever...I'll go with you.  
  
Morgaine: Okay.  
  
%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&  
  
Okay, someone told me in their review (theatre-goddess, I believe) that the campiness works well. I certainly hope that's true, seeing how this entire chapter is basically campy.  
  
For anyone who's interested, I wrote this chapter after a class on Stage Managing (hence Gwen's new occupation).  
  
Please read and review!  
  
~Saranha 


	7. In which Morguase and Mordred are put in...

Woo! Long time, no update. Basically it's because (unlike with my other stories), I don't think anyone has reviewed the latest chapter. I mean....I've gotten new reviews for chapter 1 a lot, but no one's reading chapter 6? Um...so maybe this'll get the interest back.  
  
^insert standard disclaimer^  
  
At the end of the last chapter, Morgaine and Accolon had decided to venture out of the theatre with Donnie/Tam to find some ice cream...  
  
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$OUTSIDE OF THE THEATER$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$  
  
Reporter: We have done some background checks on the performers, and none of them have ever done a play before! Imagine that! Well, everyone, I have my tickets bought already, so why don't you go and do the same! Goodni-  
  
Random Lady: Hey! It's Donnie!  
  
Reporter: ^turning around^ Wait, we're still on, right? ^receives nod from her cameraman^ It appears that two of the performers have come out with the young boy, and neither of them is the one who originally abducted him! Let's observe!  
  
Morgaine: Where can we get some ice cream?  
  
Reporter: And what do you want ice cream for, miss?  
  
Morgaine: Tam's hungry.  
  
Reporter: I see...^points at Accolon^ Is this Tam?  
  
Morgaine: ^looking at her like she's an idiot^ No. That's Accolon, duh. This is Tam. ^gestures to Tam/Donnie^  
  
Random Lady: That's not Tam! That's my Donnie!  
  
Morgaine: ^to Tam^ That your old mother?  
  
Tam: ^nods^  
  
Morgaine: ^to lady^ Listen, lady. He's mine now. I signed the adoption papers! And so did he! ^hands her papers^  
  
RL: Um...Arthur Pendragon?  
  
Morgaine: Yes. He's my brother. He's a king.  
  
RL: So...I can't take this to court?  
  
Accolon: ^pales^ You're trying to take us to court?!?  
  
RL: DUH!  
  
Accolon: Hurry, Morgaine! Back inside! ^grabs ice cream from a little girl^ Thank you! Here's for you troubles. ^gives her $5^  
  
^Accolon, Morgaine, and Tam go back inside^  
  
Reporter: And it appears that the little boy abducted from the audience has now been adopted by one of the actresses! Will his real mother take the case to court? We'll keep you all updated on any new developments of this case!  
  
$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$% BACK INSIDE $%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%  
  
Arthur: No, really, Gwen. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?  
  
Gwenhwyfar: No, Arthur! You don't get it!  
  
Arthur: But what's the answer?!? ^turns around^ Do you know, Elaine?  
  
Elaine: Well, I think he would chuck 4.5 tons.  
  
Lancelot: Gwen, I really wish we'd married each other instead of...them.  
  
Arthur: I bet Gwen doesn't wish that! Right Gwen?  
  
Gwenhwyfar: ...  
  
Arthur: ^looks slightly miffed, but shrugs and goes over to talk to Elaine about why it's 4.5 tons instead of 4.2^  
  
Morgause: ^pointing at Arthur^ This is your great king?  
  
Viviane: I honestly didn't think he'd turn out this way! It was a mistake!  
  
Arthur: ^looks hurt^ No one really loves me, do they?!?  
  
Morgause: Nope.  
  
Everyone else: MORGAUSE!  
  
Arthur: ^cries for a moment^ Wait a second! I bet Morgaine loves me! She practically raised me!  
  
Morgaine: ^reentering with Accolon and Tam^ Woodchucks, eh?  
  
Arthur: Morgaine! Do you love me?  
  
Morgaine: ^pause^ ^blink^ Uh....  
  
Director: He means in any way whatsoever.  
  
Morgaine: Oh! Well, I yeah. You are my brother, after all.  
  
Tam: No, he is! ^points at Mordred^  
  
Mordred: Not again...  
  
Director: Morgaine, get up there and do that solo or else!  
  
Morgaine: Fine, fine. You who I cradled in my arms...you. Asking as little as you can.  
  
Tam: Can I have more ice cream?  
  
Morgaine: I'm trying to sing a song to you, okay? Little snip or a little man...I know I'd give my life for you.  
  
Elaine: Would you really?  
  
Morgaine: I guess....I mean...he is my son now after all. You didn't ask me to be born...you. Why should you learn of war and pain? To make sure you're not hurt again....I swear I'd give my life for you. I've tasted love beyond all fear...and you should know it's love that brought you here!  
  
Tam: My old mother told me it was a stork.  
  
Morgaine: Oh, come on, Tam. Who's cooler? Me or her?  
  
Tam: Uh...you?  
  
Morgaine: I like this kid. And in one perfect night, when the stars burned like new, I knew what I must do! I'll give you a million things I'll never own...I'll give you the world to conquer when you're grown...  
  
Mordred: Why didn't I get the world to conquer?! I put it on my birthday list and everything!  
  
Morgaine: Excuse me...trying to show my maternal side here! You will be who you want to be....you can choose whatever heaven grants. As long as you can have your chance, I swear I'll give my life for you. Sometimes I wake, reaching for him! I feel his shadow brush my head, but there's just moonlight on my bed. Was he a ghost? Was he a lie? That made my body laugh and cry? Then, by my side, the proof I see: His little one. Gods of the sun, bring him to me!  
  
Accolon: I'm right here, Morgaine.  
  
Director: What did you interrupt for? It was going quite well.  
  
Accolon: It was going too well. We needed some chaos.  
  
Morgaine: You will be who you want to be...you can choose whatever heaven grants. As long as you can have your chance...I swear I'll give my life for you. No one can stop what I must do...I swear, I'll give my life for you.  
  
Director: Okay, now we need the chorus.  
  
Gwenhwyfar: Oh...didn't I tell you? They all quit.  
  
Director: What else can go wrong?!? ^throws something^  
  
Accolon: ^takes center stage^ Why, God? Why today? We were so close...on our way. We need large groups to support us, so why'd you steal our damn chorus?  
  
Morgause: Alright, I'll give him credit. That was pretty good improving.  
  
Director: Okay, Gwen...it's your official assignment to get the chorus back for us!  
  
Elaine: Actually, Director person, her character is now coming into the storyline. You can't take her away now.  
  
Director: ^letting it sink in^ So I can't make her go on a secret mission, and she can't be stage manager?  
  
Elaine: Uh huh!  
  
Director: ^massaging forehead^ Ugh...aspirin...my kingdom for aspirin.  
  
Arthur: ^handing director some aspirin^ No need, friend Director. I have a kingdom of my own.  
  
Director: Eh?  
  
Arthur: Don't worry! Gwen trained Elaine and me to do the job!  
  
Mordred: I don't think I feel safe onstage anymore.  
  
Director: ^thinking very quickly^ But hold on, guys! You're such great, sociable people! I think I really need you to go find us a chorus before opening night. Could you please do this?  
  
A/E: Sure! Yay! We're useful! ^skips off merrily^  
  
Director: Okay, now who's gonna fill in for Gwen?  
  
Morgause: I will. And Mordred will help me when he's not onstage.  
  
Director: How uncharacteristically generous of you. Go ahead.  
  
Morgause: Come, son. ^they go up to the booth^  
  
Director: Okay, now we're into the second act. Accolon, Lancelot, and Gwen have to be onstage.  
  
Accolon: ^kicks plastic chair^ Why are there so many empty chairs up here?  
  
Director: Well, our chorus was supposed to sit in them, but since they ran away...  
  
Lancelot: What's going on in this scene?  
  
Director: Basically, you're trying to get support for the Bui-Doi.  
  
Lancelot: Bui-Doi...?  
  
Director: The children born in Vietnam during the war with American soldiers as fathers.  
  
Accolon: You mean like Tam?  
  
Director: Exactly. But remember, Accolon, in this scene, you still don't know about Tam.  
  
Accolon: Okay.  
  
Gwenhwyfar: Excuse me! ^points^ What is this large screen thing for?  
  
Director: Images of actual Bui-Doi will be playing on the screen. Try not to let them distract you, ok?  
  
Lancelot: So...I stand on this podium and sing?  
  
Director: Right. Ready?  
  
Lancelot: Yup.  
  
Director: Great. Morgause! Mordred! Make sure you play the images!  
  
Lancelot: Like all survivors, I once thought: when I'm home I won't give a damn. But now I know I'm caught, I'll never leave Vietnam.  
  
^A map of Vietnam appears on the screen^  
  
Lancelot: War isn't over when it ends. Some pictures never leave your mind...they are the faces of the children! The ones we left behind!  
  
^A picture of a small child appears on screen^  
  
Lancelot: Wait a second...that's me!  
  
Viviane: I wonder where they found that picture...  
  
Gwenhwyfar: ^trying to hide her laughter by going behind Accolon^  
  
Director: Okay, Morgause! No more baby pictures of Lancelot, okay?  
  
Morgause: Sure.  
  
Lancelot: Okay...I'm cool. They're called "Bui-Doi"...the dust of life! Conceived in hell...and born in strife!  
  
^A picture of happy bunnies dancing in a field appears onscreen. There is an arrow pointing at the scene that says, "hell"^  
  
Gwenhwyfar: ^offended^ Hey! Hell is very real to me...don't mock it like that!  
  
Director: ^rubbing temples^ Okay, Morgause...Mordred...no more offensive comments.  
  
M/M: Okay.  
  
Lancelot: They are the living reminders of all the good we failed to do. We can't forget - must not forget - that they are all our children too. These kids hit walls on every side...they don't belong in any place! Their secret they can't hide...it's printed on their face.  
  
^A picture of a kid at 4th of July with an American flag on their face appears^  
  
Director: ^angry because he can't find a way that this is offensive^  
  
Lancelot: I never thought one day I'd plead for half-breeds from a land that's torn. But then I saw a camp for children whose crime was being born!  
  
^A picture of a little girl in black and white stripes behind bars^  
  
Director: ^to Morgause and Mordred^ Can you try not to take the lyrics so literally?  
  
Lancelot: They're called "Bui-Doi"...the dust of life! Conceived in hell...and born in strife! We owe them fathers and a family; a loving home they never knew. Because we know - deep in our hearts - that they are all our children too.  
  
^An image of a child in a concentration camp appears^  
  
Director: That one's good! Keep it up!  
  
Lancelot: These are souls in need, they need us to give! Someone has to pay for their chance to live! Help me try!  
  
^A snapshot of Morgause and Mordred...working at Second Harvest Food Bank (???) appears^  
  
Morgaine: I didn't know you two did charity work...  
  
Mordred: I'm a philanthropist at heart.  
  
Director: How does this relate to Bui-Doi?  
  
Mordred: Well, we're helping by doing charity, and the word "help" is in the song...  
  
Lancelot: They're called Bui-Doi...the dust of life! Conceived in hell...and born in strife! They are-  
  
Director: You were supposed to be joined in on that part.  
  
Lancelot: But we don't have a chorus.  
  
Director: Well, they should join you! ^points to Accolon and Gwen, who are asleep^  
  
Lancelot: ^kick^ Wake up, guys! My singing isn't that bad!  
  
Accolon: But you kept saying the same thing over and over again!  
  
Director: Do you remember what he was saying?  
  
Accolon: Something about "free boys"...I wasn't really paying attention. I don't support slave trade.  
  
Director: Just keep going!  
  
Accolon: John, you were great. Can I see you alone? ^they walk away from Gwen, who is making nice to invisible co workers^ I've gotta know what you meant on the phone. What is this news you received you could only tell me?  
  
Lancelot: A lot of groups use my Bangkok staff to process problems on their behalf. We got this in from the embassy...it's not easy to tell you. It's best that you see. ^attempts to hand him a folder^  
  
Accolon: ^not taking folder^ Kim. It's about Kim, isn't it? ^whisper/singing^ Only you know how hard I have tried to get word. Tell me first - nothing else! - tell me did she survive?  
  
Lancelot: You must read the report, Chris, but yes. She's alive.  
  
Accolon: You don't know, John, these nightmares...the things that I've seen! I have seen her face burned, seen her shot with my gun...I have chased her through streets and heard nothing but screams. What's wrong? Come on...there is still something more?  
  
Lancelot: She has a child. You have a son.  
  
Accolon: Yeah...he's a great kid, isn't he? We just went out to go get him some ice cream. Do you want to come next time?  
  
Lancelot: ^thwacks Accolon on the head with the folder^ Say the line!  
  
Accolon: Fine. ^pouts^ You won't believe me, but I dreamed this, John. It's in the nightmare when I see Saigon...  
  
Morgaine: Are you calling our son a nightmare?  
  
Accolon: No, Morgaine...it's just a line-  
  
Morgaine: I may have to rethink this relationship. ^storms away angrily^  
  
Director: Great...now you've upset our lead!  
  
Accolon: ^avoids topic by continuing^ Jesus, John, I am married. Is this story for real?  
  
Lancelot: I'm only telling you what I received. But...our reports can usually be believed. Kim's a bargirl in Bangkok. Pal, I know how you feel.  
  
Accolon: What?! Did you have an illegitimate child with the Vietnamese prostitute that married your father and then got upset with you over something that you were forced to say and then stormed away angrily, making everybody angry at you because they needed her to hang around?!?  
  
Lancelot: Um...no.  
  
Accolon: Then you can NEVER know how I feel! ^freaks out^  
  
Gwenhwyfar: That is a rather strange line. What, did John accidentally fall in love with a doomed...um...^mutters^ prostitute too?  
  
Director: No. Just shut up and keep going.  
  
Lancelot: How can we do both at the same time?  
  
Accolon: It's too late! I have a whole new life! I have a wife I love ^points at Gwen^...she can't just disappear!  
  
Lancelot: Listen, guy, I know the shock you've had. It isn't always, bad, there are solutions here. I'll run away with Gwen, and you can go back and marry what's her name. Okay?  
  
Accolon: Deal.  
  
Director: Guys, this isn't good. We can't adjust the storyline to suit your own personal wishes. Continue!  
  
Accolon: Oh God! I never told her! My wife...how can I tell her? A child? What do I do? I've shattered Kim...now Ellen too! I have to tell her! It's time to tell her!  
  
Lancelot: You should both go to Bangkok...I mean, Ellen too.  
  
Accolon: Us both?  
  
Lancelot: ^nods^ You both should go.  
  
Gwenhwyfar: Hey guys, come on.  
  
Accolon: But first...first Ellen has to know...^wonders over to Gwen^ I don't love you. Go marry John!  
  
Director: ^throws script at Accolon^  
  
Accolon: Point taken. 


	8. In which Gwen is freaked out

Okay, I'm sorry to say that I'm not quite as proud of this chapter as I have been of the others, mainly because we stuck at a part of the show that I'm not particularly enthused about. But I really like the "Kim's Nightmare" track, so things might get better soon.  
  
Eridala: Yeah. I've noticed that to avoid even more confusion, I seem to be following the movie more (well, I mean, by cutting out a lot of major characters ^blush^). Thank you for reviewing!  
  
Leraiv Potter: Cool! Someone else who knows both! ^randomly high fives^ Thanks for reading!  
  
Lena: ^smiles broadly^ Thank you so much!  
  
PhantomAngel22: Wow! Now I have people reading who only know MS (previously, you'll notice, most just know Avalon). Glad to know MS fans like it too! Thank you!  
  
Thanks to all of my readers/reviewers (especially the reviewers!), regardless of whether or not they've kept up with the story!  
  
$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$  
  
Director: Okay, the next song is "What a Waste". Mordred: get up there and go.  
  
Mordred: Check it out!  
  
^waits for the next line^  
  
Director: Oh right...Arthur and Elaine haven't gotten the chorus back yet. ^thoughtful^ I wonder where they are...  
  
%%%%%% BARBADOS %%%%%%  
  
Arthur: Come on! I'm sure you guys don't really want to kill us!  
  
Elaine: I think they might. I mean, tying us to a burning pillar and stuff.  
  
^they look day and the burning hay they're standing on^  
  
Arthur: Um...you'll get a raise!  
  
Chorus: He lies!  
  
Arthur: No, really! The director really wants you back.  
  
Chorus: ^glare^  
  
Arthur: We all really miss you.  
  
Chorus: ^lowers pitchforks^ Oh.  
  
Elaine: Ah...dress...burning...  
  
Arthur: How dare you allow a fair lady to burn!  
  
Chorus: ^unties Elaine^  
  
Arthur: Um...kings shouldn't burn either!  
  
Chorus: We're a democracy!  
  
Arthur: Oh. Shit.  
  
Chorus: ^unties Arthur^ We'll just drown you instead.  
  
Arthur: ^gulp^  
  
Elaine: Wait! Can't some of you come back and be in the show?  
  
Chorus: ^completely ignores her^  
  
Elaine: ^sigh^  
  
%%%%%% BACK IN THE THEATER %%%%%%  
  
Director: Oh well. I'm sure they're fine. Other people: say the doormen lines for now.  
  
Lancelot: Girls...I've got girls. Gorgeous girls! Very nice.  
  
Gwenhwyfar: Lancelot! You are participating in the vulgarity!  
  
Accolon: Hey wow...oh look! We've got to see this!  
  
Lancelot: Girls. I've got girls. Gorgeous girls. Very nice.  
  
Accolon: I'm glad my wife's not here to see this.  
  
Gwenhwyfar: I thought I was your wife?  
  
Director: Lance and Accolon are just filling in because we don't have a chorus. They aren't actually being their characters right now. But Mordred is. Go!  
  
Mordred: What a waste! To pay for my keep, I'm rounding up sheep to fleece here in Bangkok. I'm disgraced! I can't get ahead...there's nothing as dead and peace here in Bangkok. 10 cents an hour! That's all they pay! ^plotting^ I'll have to swim to the USA...If you're looking for fun - original sin! - if you want to put out, then you've got to come in!  
  
Gwenhwyfar: Is that the worst of it? ^flinch^  
  
Mordred: ^grinning, finding a spot to annoy her with^ Gee, isn't Bangkok really neat? The things they're selling on the street! Fresh dog, if that's what you'd enjoy. A girl, or if you want, a boy!  
  
Gwen: Dog?!? ^runs away, turning green^  
  
Director: Mordred...  
  
Gwen: ^returns, pale^ Just go on.  
  
Mordred: Hey boys, don't stand around like wimps! Watch out, those guys, they're really pimps. You want some thrills, come on and grab it! Three girls, two gerbils, and a rabbit!  
  
Gwen: Dear God! ^runs off again^  
  
Director: Can we just skip the rest of the selling scene? Go to where John enters.  
  
Lancelot: ^goes onstage near Mordred^  
  
Mordred: You want a girl, sir? You like one of these?  
  
Lancelot: You have a Kim here. Can I see her please?  
  
Morgaine: I'm just so popular.  
  
Mordred: You pick them well. ^Morgaine beams^ Monsieur John, is that you?  
  
Lancelot: The Engineer? Jesus Christ, you're here too?!?  
  
Mordred: ^clinging to his arm^ Of all my friends, you're the one that I miss...  
  
Lancelot: I'm looking for Kim.  
  
Mordred: I love you so, you and your buddy, Chris!  
  
Lancelot: ^shoves away^ I'm here about him. Kim has a child born in...um...?  
  
Mordred: '75. I fill that out, and it's you who arrives! You'll find the end of your quest here in our little dive! ^gestures to big Moulin Rouge set^  
  
^set falls over^  
  
Lancelot: ^raises eyebrow, unimpressed^  
  
Mordred: I'm impressed...American clerks: a system that works! There's really no other.  
  
Lancelot: Listen: spare me the gas. Is there really a child?  
  
Mordred: Yes. We are blessed! And Kim's on a trip for citizenship, and I am her brother. ^beams^  
  
Lancelot: Your brother, my ass! Listen, take me inside!  
  
Director: I hate to stop you, but the line is actually, "You're her brother, my ass".  
  
Lancelot: Yes, but on the CD we've been taking turns listening to, it sounds like he says, "your brother".  
  
Director: Yes, but A) that's not what's in the script and B) that makes no sense!  
  
Lancelot: Fine. ^nose in air^  
  
Mordred: Look, Kim, who got our application! I said I'd bring us all salvation!  
  
Morgaine: Oh my god, Monsieur John! Yes, of course he'd send you...lazy good for nothing...couldn't even come himself...^twitch^  
  
Lancelot: ^ignoring^ Not in here. Is there someplace near we could talk?  
  
Morgaine: ^to invisible customer^ Take your hands off! We're finished...go find someone else! ^still batting invisible hands^ OMG! He's not letting go! Rape!  
  
Mordred: ^slaps Morgaine^  
  
Morgaine: Oh. Never mind. It's all good now.  
  
Lancelot: Come with me; there's a lot I've got to say first.  
  
Morgaine: Chris is here! Say he's here! O my god, it's all true! ^melts^  
  
Mordred: I suggest, whatever it be, you leave it to me. Just play little mother.  
  
Lancelot: What I need to find out, she can tell me alone.  
  
Mordred: Oh...I've gotcha. ^winks^  
  
Lancelot: Um...eh?  
  
Mordred: You two want some alone time...that's cool with me!  
  
Lance: No, man. It's just a line.  
  
Morgaine: ^mutters unhappily^ You used to like me. You thought I was pretty.  
  
Lance: Yeah. Then I discovered that you look like my mom. ^shivers^  
  
Morgaine: ^slaps^  
  
Director: You guys are taking this all too personally! It's called acting! And besides, John's not hitting on Kim to begin with!  
  
Mordred: Ah ha! I knew you made up those lines! They weren't in the script!  
  
Lance: Yes they are. ^looks at Mordred's script^ My father was a tattoo artist in Haiphong? We're not there yet!  
  
Morgaine: Oh god! First he was a GI, then a marine, and now a tattoo artist?!?  
  
Director: No, that line refers to the Engineer's father, not Chris!  
  
Morgaine: Since when is the Engineer's background relevant to the story?  
  
Mordred: I have feelings too, you know!  
  
Director: Continue, dammit!  
  
Morgaine: Can you take me to Chris? I can leave here right now! We've been here for so long...took this job to survive. One month at sea, I was sure we'd drown! But I thought about Chris, and we didn't go down. ^pause^ Kim's very sentimental, isn't she?  
  
Director: That's one way to put it. See, the misunderstanding between Kim and Chris about their relationship mirrors the misunderstanding between the two cultures expressed in the show, which means that a statement about the war is probably being made.  
  
Morgaine: ^nods^ That's really cool, actually. I suppose it would mean more if any of us had directly experienced the war.  
  
Director: Yes, but people in the audience will have.  
  
Accolon: We're gonna have an audience?  
  
Director: Yeah...did you think we'd just stumble through this thing and you guys would go home?  
  
Mordred: We're going to have to do it all over again?!? ^draws sword in annoyance^  
  
Morgause: ^from the booth^ Mordred, remain disciplined!  
  
Mordred: ^putting sword away^ Yes, Mother.  
  
Director: Oh yeah...I'd forgotten you were up there.  
  
Morgause: Are we continuing? And is there anything for me to do?  
  
Director: Actually, yes. There's a rather large number coming up. I just hope Arthur and the chorus come back...it's his only song for the rest of the show.  
  
Lance: Can we skip the next couple scenes?  
  
Director: Look, is there something here you don't understand?!? We are going to perform this show in front of a paying audience! The whole show, not just whichever bits and pieces you like best! So deal with it!  
  
Lance: ^frowns^ But the chorus hasn't practiced anything!  
  
Director: But the chorus is a group of professionals that I hired just for this! Not random, useless, idiotic, juvenile strangers I picked up like you!  
  
^long pause^  
  
Accolon: That was really hurtful, you know.  
  
Morgaine: Yeah! We're not random!  
  
Lance: He obviously doesn't appreciate us. Let's get out of here!  
  
Director: ^conciliatory^ Hey, guys! Why don't you just hang out and take a break for however long you like, and then - only when you feel like it! - we can keep working on whichever scenes you want!  
  
Mordred: Too late, man. We're leaving.  
  
Gwen: I'm afraid we can't leave. Remember, there's that woman outside who's trying to sue Morgaine over Tam. And there's the police investigating the deaths of tech crew members...  
  
Mordred: Oh right...heh heh...  
  
Tam: So...we're just going to take the break?  
  
Morgaine: Works for me.  
  
Director: Okay! Break time!  
  
$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$  
  
Yeah, kinda dull. But it will hopefully get better! Please review, and once more, constructive criticism = okay. Flames = you paying my bills in emotional therapy.  
  
Happy New Year! ~Saranha 


	9. Pleaseend this chapter!

Alright! 2 years later, and I'm back! Time flies when you're busy, but recently I've gotten re-obsessed with both MoA and MS (partially because now I've actually studied the Vietnam War! Yay!)

Anyway, I'm not sure if anyone will even remember this story, but here's another chapter in case you do. It's not one of the better ones, but the next chapter will be Kim's Nightmare, which should be fun. Basically I realized I'd almost finished this one a year ago and the end I just tried to wrap up quickly so I could post it now.

Thanks to everyone who leaves all of those lovely reviews! I'm glad my strange views and interpretations are amusing you!

5 HOURS LATER, STILL ON BREAK

**Morgaine**: Accolon, Tam, hand me more of that ice cream.

**Gwen**: Morgaine, if you keep eating that, you won't be able to fit into your dresses anymore! Gasp!

**Morgaine**: Just shut up and take your turn.

**Gwen**: Okay…truth.

**Accolon**: Have you ever had a threesome?

**Gwen**: Shit! How did you know about that?

**Morgaine**: evil grin while scooping ice cream

**Tam**: What's a threesome?

**Gwen**: Um…

**Lance**: It when three people at a restaurant order the same dish, so the waiter

brings them an extra large dish of it. It's illegal in California and Delaware.

**Tam**: Oh! walks away happily

**Accolon**: Smooth lie.

**Morgaine**: Nice details.

**Director**: Um…so, are you guys almost done with your 34th consecutive game of

Truth or Dare?

**Morgaine**: We've played 34 games of it? And that question didn't come up

before? How funny!

**Viviane**: Shouldn't Elaine and Arthur be back by now?

**Director**: Yeah…I was thinking the same thing.

**Accolon**: Well, neither of them is in this next scene, so we're cool anyway.

**Director**: Does that mean you want to keep working?

**All**: groan

**Director**: Come on! Let's get going! Lance and Morgaine on stage!

**Morgaine**: Okay…back to Kim being melodramatic. "I've done terrible things,

but we're safe and you're here, so perhaps all the gods have begun to forgive…"

Forgive what? The prostitution thing?

**Director**: dully Believe it or not, in some cultures, it's considered bad to kill

your cousin.

**Morgaine**: Oh right! I'd forgotten about that…ya know, 5 hour break and all…

**Director**: And who is to blame for that anyway!

**Morgaine**: Point taken.

**Gwen**: Do we actually have a club owner to say the next line?

**Director**: looks at script Viviane, you read it. And Mordred! Get on stage!

**Mordred**: grumbles, but does so

**Viviane**: Did the gentleman order champagne?

**Mordred**: She was about to get it.

**Viviane**: Better get back on the chain, or get out"

**Morgaine**: Monsieur John…look at this…come see love…come see Chris.

**Lance**: Wait, no, you're showing me Tam, and Chris is back at the hotel.

**Morgaine**: That is kinda confusing. turns to Director Explanation?

**Director**: Well, blinks actually, I have not idea. I think it's just her being really

sentimental again. Please just ignore the confusing writing.

**Mordred**: Look! Uncle Sam! Wait…I don't have an uncle named Sam. I have an uncle/father named Arthur, but that's about it. And he's not here to see me. Not like he loves me anyway. twitch

**Morgaine**: Mordred! Just shut up!

**Mordred**: SEE HOW NICE I AM! throws piece of lighting equipment, but this time the crew members have the foresight to move

**Director**: Okay…Mordred, just come sit in the audience for a while. Morgause? Calm him down, please. Lance and Morgaine can keep going.

**Morgaine**: Look, John. This is his son. Don't they have the same smile? Tam snores Um…Tam, you have to smile now. he smiles in sleep Wow, he's so obedient.

**Director**: And they told me never to work with children!

**Morgaine**: He's been waiting for his father for a long, long while. nice moment is interrupted by another snore

**Lance**: I'm not here as a friend.

**Morgaine**: Jerk.

**Lance**: ignores I have a job to do. It's strange to find my work should lead me here to you. Chris knows all about you, I have told him all this. But I think that it's time you know all about Chris.

**Morgaine**: Please, don't you see that's all I live for? I have him and nothing more? Wait, lady, what about this son that you love and adore?

**Director**: You already had the song of motherly devotion! Keep going!

**Morgaine**: Tonight everything that's not him disappears behind my door. Hmm…not even trying to figure out that line.

**Lance**: Please…oh, I get it. This song is called "Please".

**Director**: headbang

**Lance**: Please, he went crazy when he lost you. Spoke to no one for a year. Then he finally said, "I'm home now, my life has to go on from here." Kim, let me finish talking, please. That was three whole years ago…

**Morgaine**: Yes, yes I know. I know how pain can grow. When the rock you hold onto is a love miles away. Goddess, hasn't she figured it out yet? Chris is dumping her.

**Director**: Morgaine, he's married. He thought she was dead. It's not quite that simple to accept.

**Morgaine**: mutters something about weak willed women

**Director**: Um…it's really hard to play a character that you despise and all you do is make fun of them…

**Morgaine**: So?

**Lance**: Can we skip this? I mean, the only important thing is I tell her Chris is here, but I wimp out and don't tell her about Ellen.

**Director**: glances at Morgaine, who is still making fun of Kim Yeah. Let's go to…um…where the Engineer comes back in, because you both need to vent your rage.

**Mordred**: enters Where is he? What is that look? He was right on the hook…don't tell me he slipped free!

**Morgaine**: Engineer, Chris is here! John is going to get him and bring him to me! My heart's ready to burst…I don't know what I'll tell him first!

**Mordred**: Um…introduce him to your son? Admit that you're obsessed with him? Make nice to his wife?

**Morgaine**: Hmm…nah. Too logical.

**Mordred**: That guy is no one to trust…

**Lance**: offstage Gee, thanks.

**Mordred**: Excuse me; I was going to explain why! A soldier who's just learned he fathered a son! You've got to get to Chris first. I will find his address now before he can run.

**Morgaine**: But he can't run. You can't get from Vietnam to the US without a boat or helicopter thing.

**Director**: Continue!

**Morgaine**: You can trust what he'll do. Don't you worry, I'll mention you. affectionate cheek pinch

**Mordred**: grabs shoulders and shakes DON'T' SCREW WITH ME, LITTLE BITCH!

**Morgaine**: Wait…are you shorter than me? Oh goddess, you are! How hysterical is that! doubles over laughing

**Mordred**: It's not funny!

**Morgaine**: Yes it is!

other cast members begin to chuckle

**Mordred**: SHUT UP! throws sword and narrowly misses Director

**Director**: Morgause! A little help here?

**Morgause**: Mordred! Be silence or I'll exclude you from my takeover plot!

**Mordred**: automatically Ok.

**Morgaine**: skipping slightly Tell me where and I'll go. He is longing for me, I know. Blah blah…dead parents talk…blah blah…

**Mordred**: Talk to your ghosts, little girl, on the life that starts today 'til you're blue. We must journey to a new world. You have one chance, just one. He's here, talking to you. And-…wait a second, Morgause, you're entire takeover plot revolves around me!

**Lance**: Other thing! Is it just me, or was that "he's here, talking to you" kind of…romantic or something…?

**Director**: I'd analyze that and consider it, only there's too much incest in your family already, so no. read script Crap! We need Arthur for this!

With impeccable timing, the doors to the theatre open and a tidal wave carries the chorus, Arthur, and Elaine back in

**Reporter**: And now, we've discovered that somehow this theatre can be hit by a tidal wave even though it's miles away from the coast! Who knew? doors close

**Director**: That was terribly convenient. see Chorus And we have all of you back in time for the big number! Good job persuading them winks at Arthur and Elaine

**Chorus**: (um, en mass) They didn't persuade us…we were trying to drown the guy and everyone got swept away. We're still mad.

**Director**: Um…will you do the next scene for me anyway? Pretty pretty please?

There are some grumbles, but eventually the Chorus gets onstage

**Chorus**: The morning of the dragon truth lit up the street…the tiger we were stalking walked on paper feet!

**Everyone else**: looks at script, confused

**Chorus**: And in the clear white heat of dawn…was gone!

**Director**: Um…guys? We did that scene a long time ago. Um…yeah, we're in Act 2 now.

**Chorus**: Like, "What a Waste"?

**Director**: No, like "Kim's Nightmare".

**Chorus**: You got that far without us? pout

**Director**: No! Please don't get mad! I'll triple your salaries!

**Chorus**: Eh…ok!

My excuse for it being boring? This part of the play bores me. So there. It'll all be better soon, promise! Please read and review! And in the last 2 years, I still haven't warmed up to the idea of flames (no stupid pun intended), so please constructive criticism only!

Much love!

Saranha


End file.
